Wednesday, October 20, 2010

three words that became hard to say

I and Love and You- The Avett Brothers

It's weird how the most insignificant things can be the ones that you remember most.

During the Summer I went on a service trip to Hawaii. This was my view every morning:

Before I left, I was an absolute wreck. I was away from home for three weeks and I didn't know if I could make it. I thought that if I whined enough, my parents would come out and get me from Hawaii. 3000 miles away from home. Yeah, right.

Now, three months after I got home, I don't know if I've ever missed anything more. I miss the van rides most of all, I think. We could watch the absolute beautiful scenery pass by, and listen to music and just be with people you wouldn't think you would ever be with, but by fate, you were all put together for three weeks. And now, I miss something, and I feel like if I miss it enough, everyone will go back, and it will go back to the way it was in July-August 2o1o. Occasionally, reality hits me and it tells me that I most likely won't see the majority of the people ever again. And, though those three weeks I had with them were fucking amazing, I won't get it back. And I think that's what gets me.

Usually, when we miss something, there's a comforting notion in the back of our minds that tells us that, though we miss it so much now, we'll be reunited with it once again. But right now, I miss a summer trip that I won't ever get back. I'll have experiences that are similar to it in my lifetime, but all of us won't be in a little church sleeping there for a week, or we won't be in a van blasting a Taylor Swift song while going down the Hawaiian highway. I won't ever get back the times where my counselor would improvise a song on the guitar while singing to the ocean, just because.

So how long will it take me to get over this feeling? Months? Years? Because right now, it hurts me that I can't do anything about it.

The whole time I was there, I was counting down the days until I got home. And now I realize how stupid that really was.